Have you ever reached a point in your life, when you are ready for change? Ready to be a better person in all aspects of your life; spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally? Throughout my life I have always had a strange relationship with change. Naturally I resist change, since change often means that something will permanently be different. And "what was" will only exist as a memory. Growing up, I fought change. This became exhausting since the only thing constant in my life was change. New teachers, new schools, new teammates, new wards, new friends, new interests, new callings.... change literally consumed me. Looking back I understand now why my life was constantly moving forward and changing, yet at the time I remember pleading with the Lord and praying that certain aspects of my life would last forever; like third grade, living on Parkside Circle, Young Womens in the GV 5th Ward, playing high school sports, or even my adventures at Rebel Creek. How thankful I am that the Lord knew better and lovingly left my ignorant pleads unanswered.
This last month I have been pondering and reflecting the words written in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
For the last year I have felt stagnate, which in a way sounds ridiculous. I mean, since the day I found out I was pregnant and since the day Jaks has come into my life, there has been plenty of change. Yet, I have still felt a great sense of complacency in my life. Don't get me wrong, the Lord has still challenged me, but for some reason... something has been missing. And.... after a lot of pondering and reflecting, I finally figured out what that is.... its People.
After looking back on my life, I've realized I am who I am because of the people who have touched paths with me. Any good quality I have developed is because of those people who have taken the time to teach me. I LOVE people. It has also been this Love that has made me resistant to change. Every plead and prayer that I had in hopes to make time stand still, was because I was heartbroken that my path would no longer be touching those I had learned to love SO much. Like my third grade teacher, my neighbors on Parkside, the teammates and coaches I played with and for, my young women leaders, friends and my roomates. I hated knowing at one point those I loved and cherished would have to move forward in a different direction than me. However, with the Lord's help I have learned how to embrace something I have always feared. I can't express the gratitude I feel that He has now replaced my fear with peace and understanding, since at the end of this year my path will be changing course from those I love the very most.... my family.
At the end of the year Wes and I will be moving to Gilbert, AZ. Although I have always dreamed of seeing what life had to offer outside of St. George, I have secretly dreaded the day that I may not have the security of being surrounded by family. I love that both my own family and my in-laws live so close. Although mine and Wes' paths haven't been completely congruent with all of our family members, they have been close enough that we haven't had a desire or need to reach out to anyone else. We truly love being with our families every moment we can and are always sad when we miss out on anything, which with two families as active as ours, happens a lot...and we only have lived 2 miles away from both of them and have spent all our spare time being with them. However, moving seven hours away, means that our paths will be even less congruent with theirs.
Naturally this devastates me. Our families are our lives. We Love them. But, I now understand why the Lord has directed my path in a new direction. And, instead of pleading and praying for time to stand still and fearing the separation, I am embracing it with excitement and gratitude. For I know now why I feel stagnate, why I am longing to be better and grow, and why people only touch paths with us for a season. My testimony of eternal families has heightened. Our families will always be there for us. And for me... Family will ALWAYS come first. When it comes to holidays, big games, hard times, spiritual events and important milestones.... my path will always be in-conjunction with my family. But, I have also realized how important it is to gain relationships and learn from ALL of our brothers and sisters. We are all different for a reason. We have all been given unique and individualized gifts. I know now that there are people out there that I need to learn from. This is why I haven't had the growth that I'm use to. Before I got married I was always meeting new people. I was involved in multiple sports, student government, institute council, new church callings, new teachers, new classmates......And each person I met, taught me something. Some taught me more than others, but I learned from every person that walked along my path, even if it was only for a brief moment.
So I guess meeting new people, means growing. Every time I walk side by side with one of God's children, my ability to Love grows. This life is a test, we are all carrying a heavy burden, and we ALL need each other. We need to learn from each other. We need to serve each other. For that truly is the only way we will learn to Love and Be like our Savior.
Since the time I was 14, I have had a passionate desire to master photography. However, no matter how many times I've attempted to indulge myself into it, it hasn't been the time or season to learn it. Even while working for Melody and my Mom, where photography has been right at my fingertips, I have yet to curb my craving and longing to master the camera. In fact I can't even say it's a hobby yet. ;) A year ago this completely devastated me, actually even six months ago I was beyond frustrated. It was like my dream was in arms reach, but every time I grabbed it, I was left with nothing but air in my hand.
But Now....I know it was God's way of teaching me a lesson. This last time I was in Brian Head, the Lord blessed me with one of his tender mercy's. Melody and my Mom were sweet and kind enough (like they always are) to let lend me their camera. And this is what I captured.
It may not be beautiful to all, but to me..... it's perfect. And it will always be a constant reminder of the lesson God has taught me. That there is a time and a season for ALL things.... even a season for those we love to be in our lives. It's reminder that we should embrace each season to the fullest, even the winter storms. Because, they are just that.....Seasons. Even when we feel that spring will never come, it ALWAYS does. And it always comes at the exact moment we need it. So until then, we must learn to be patient... and enjoy whatever season we are in. For every Season comes and goes...that we may grow, stretch and move closer to our Savior.
I know in the future, when it's my time and season to indulge in learning photography, I will capture images that are more breath taking and artistically correct. But, this image will always give me hope. Hope that I will have a season to live my dream. Hope that when I face challenging times, it too will have an end. Hope that someday I will have an opportunity to cross paths again with everyone on this earth whom I love so much, and Hope in my Savior, Jesus Christ.
So...... here's to a new season!! A new season of people, adventures, hobbies and growth! And for the first time in my life, I will embrace change. I will embrace what the Lord has in store for me......Actually, I will do better than just embrace... I will find joy in it!!! Oh, And....THANK YOU! Thank you for helping me become the person I am... because if you read this, then you for sure have influenced and touched my life. I love all of you!!! Thanks for all you do for me!! Wish me Luck!! Arizona... here we COME!!
