A New Season

Have you ever reached a point in your life, when you are ready for change? Ready to be a better person in all aspects of your life; spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally? Throughout my life I have always had a strange relationship with change. Naturally I resist change, since change often means that something will permanently be different. And "what was" will only exist as a memory. Growing up, I fought change. This became exhausting since the only thing constant in my life was change. New teachers, new schools, new teammates, new wards, new friends, new interests, new callings.... change literally consumed me. Looking back I understand now why my life was constantly moving forward and changing, yet at the time I remember pleading with the Lord and praying that certain aspects of my life would last forever; like third grade, living on Parkside Circle, Young Womens in the GV 5th Ward, playing high school sports, or even my adventures at Rebel Creek. How thankful I am that the Lord knew better and lovingly left my ignorant pleads unanswered.

This last month I have been pondering  and reflecting the words written in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

For the last year I have felt stagnate, which in a way sounds ridiculous. I mean, since the day I found out I was pregnant and since the day Jaks has come into my life, there has been plenty of change. Yet, I have still felt a great sense of complacency in my life. Don't get me wrong, the Lord has still challenged me, but for some reason... something has been missing. And.... after a lot of pondering and reflecting, I finally figured out what that is.... its People.

After looking back on my life, I've realized I am who I am because of the people who have touched paths with me. Any good quality I have developed is because of those people who have taken the time to teach me.  I LOVE people. It has also been this Love that has made me resistant to change. Every plead and prayer that I had in hopes to make time stand still, was because I was heartbroken that my path would no longer be touching those I had learned to love SO much. Like my third grade teacher, my neighbors on Parkside, the teammates and coaches I played with and for, my young women leaders, friends and my roomates. I hated knowing at one point those I loved and cherished would have to move forward in a different direction than me. However, with the Lord's help I have learned how to embrace something I have always feared. I can't express the gratitude I feel that He has now replaced my fear with peace and understanding, since at the end of this year my path will be changing course from those I love the very most.... my family.

At the end of the year Wes and I will be moving to Gilbert, AZ.  Although I have always dreamed of seeing what life had to offer outside of St. George, I have secretly dreaded the day that I may not have the security of being surrounded by family. I love that both my own family and my in-laws live so close. Although mine and Wes' paths haven't been completely congruent with all of our family members, they have been close enough that we haven't had a desire or need to reach out to anyone else. We truly love being with our families every moment we can and are always sad when we miss out on anything, which with two families as active as ours, happens a lot...and we only have lived 2 miles away from both of them and have spent all our spare time being with them. However, moving seven hours away, means that our paths will be even less congruent with theirs.

Naturally this devastates me. Our families are our lives. We Love them. But, I now understand why the Lord has directed my path in a new direction. And, instead of pleading and praying for time to stand still and fearing the separation, I am embracing it with excitement and gratitude. For I know now why I feel stagnate, why I am longing to be better and grow, and why people only touch paths with us for a season. My testimony of eternal families has heightened. Our families will always be there for us. And for me... Family will ALWAYS come first.  When it comes to holidays, big games, hard times, spiritual events and important milestones.... my path will always be in-conjunction with my family. But,  I have also realized how important it is to gain relationships and learn from ALL of our brothers and sisters. We are all different for a reason. We have all been given unique and individualized gifts. I know now that there are people out there that I need to learn from. This is why I haven't had the growth that I'm use to. Before I got married I was always meeting new people. I was involved in multiple sports, student government, institute council, new church callings, new teachers, new classmates......And each person I met, taught me something. Some taught me more than others, but I learned from every person that walked along my path, even if it was only for a brief moment. 

So I guess meeting new people, means growing. Every time I walk side by side with one of God's children, my ability to Love grows. This life is a test, we are all carrying a heavy burden, and we ALL need each other. We need to learn from each other. We need to serve each other. For that truly is the only way we will learn to Love and Be like our Savior. 

Since the time I was 14, I have had a passionate desire to master photography. However, no matter how many times I've attempted to indulge myself into it, it hasn't been the time or season to learn it. Even while working for Melody and my Mom, where photography has been right at my fingertips, I have yet to curb my craving and longing to master the camera. In fact I can't even say it's a hobby yet. ;) A year ago this completely devastated me, actually even six months ago I was beyond frustrated. It was like my dream was in arms reach, but every time I grabbed it, I was left with nothing but air in my hand. 

But Now....I know it was God's way of teaching me a lesson. This last time I was in Brian Head, the Lord blessed me with one of his tender mercy's. Melody and my Mom were sweet and kind enough (like they always are) to let lend me their camera. And this is what I captured.

It may not be beautiful to all, but to me..... it's perfect. And it will always be a constant reminder of the lesson God has taught me. That there is a time and a season for ALL things.... even a season for those we love to be in our lives. It's reminder that we should embrace each season to the fullest, even the winter storms. Because, they are just that.....Seasons. Even when we feel that spring will never come, it ALWAYS does. And it always comes at the exact moment we need it. So until then, we must learn to be patient... and enjoy whatever season we are in. For every Season comes and goes...that we may grow, stretch and move closer to our Savior.

I know in the future, when it's my time and season to indulge in learning photography, I will capture images that are more breath taking and artistically correct. But, this image will always give me hope. Hope that I will have a season to live my dream. Hope that when I face challenging times, it too will have an end. Hope that someday I will have an opportunity to cross paths again with everyone on this earth whom I love so much, and Hope in my Savior, Jesus Christ.

So...... here's to a new season!! A new season of people, adventures, hobbies and growth! And for the first time in my life, I will embrace change. I will embrace what the Lord has in store for me......Actually, I will do better than just embrace... I will find joy in it!!! Oh, And....THANK YOU! Thank you for helping me become the person I am... because if you read this, then you for sure have influenced and touched my life. I love all of you!!! Thanks for all you do for me!! Wish me Luck!! Arizona... here we COME!!

Loving Every Moment!

So my little man is 5 months old! I can't even believe how fast time is going. I honestly can't express how much I love being his Mom. He is so much fun and I am sucking in every moment I have with him. Jaks is full of energy and excitement. He is rolling from his belly to his back and from his back to his belly. He also tries to stand up on his legs and ends up moving himself all over the floor by either rolling or scooting himself on his back. When he is on his belly his legs are constantly in motion and as soon as he gets his arms going this kid will be crawling. Jaks is always full of giggles. He is constantly talking, jabbering and laughing. He thinks everything is funny, especially when we scare him. I haven't quite seen a little one enjoy being scared. He loves it when we hide behind the couch and come out and scare him. He will giggle forever! It's so funny, I can't get enough of his laugh.

He is also into everything that he can get his hands on... I"m afraid once he can crawl, I will be in for it. He is so intrigued by everything and everyone around him. It doesn't matter what I have in my hands, he wants it. I also can't leave him in his Bumbo cause if there is something lying next to him, he will find a way to reach and grab it... quite a few times he has almost fallen out of his Bumbo...which is hard to do! He also has quite the independent spirit. He already holds his bottle by himself, and whenever we feed him, we have to give him his own spoon to hold. This makes it difficult to feed him because I have to dodge his spoon and his hand to get food into his mouth, but its so funny. And it never fails, every time he is done eating it looks as if we had a food fight. Lol, but I love it!!! I Jaks also love to jump on the tramp, I hold him really close to me and I'll jump really high... he will giggle and giggle. He honestly has so much personality and Wes and I love every minute we have with him. Happy 5 Month Birthday Little Man!!!

Here are a few pics from the last little shoot we did of him. Wes and I went up to my parents property in BrianHead and had to get some of him outside. I LOVE the expressions we caught of him... He can move each eyebrow by itself and he always has this mischievous look on his face.... I honestly can't get enough of it!

 

 I’m actually shocked we got as many pictures as we did on this fun shoot, cause this is what Jaks wanted to do the entire time. He was so fascinated by the texture of the long grass and the cat tails, it didn’t matter what I did to get his attention, he wasn’t about to give me the time of day when he was so enthralled by his new surroundings. And it only took me a second before I too was completely consumed by his innocences and excitement as he discovered a whole new world around him.
(ps..in the picture above, he is starting to blow a bubble... if you don't know what it is, it kinda looks funny, but it's one of my favorites. Jaks is always blowing bubble.. :)

I honestly can't express the love I have for this kid! He is so full of light, energy and innocence. I love that every day is a new adventure! My heart is completely consumed with love and I have so much gratitude and feel so blessed for every moment I have to be his Mother!

Jaks....

While writing the list below, I realized that I needed a separate post to update everyone on the MOST important thing that is happening in mine and Wes' lives. Although the events listed below have kept our lives moving forward at a furious rate, they are truly insignificant to the most important reason why I have been absent from most anything this last two months.... and that of course is.. Jaks.

I honestly don't know how or where to begin. What a honor it has been to be this little boy's mother. His innocence has brought to my life a humility that I have never yet experienced. And although a whirlwind of events has transpired this last few months, I have felt time stand still as I have tried with every emotion I can feel, to suck in the beauty and love that comes from holding my little boy in my arms. I can't handle how fast he is growing, yet I love every second of it. Jaks has so much personality and is bringing joy to anyone and everyone that passes his way, especially his parents.

I could go on and on about every milestone that he has experienced in just a short 12 weeks of life, but time would never allow me to do this, which I'm learning is the beauty of motherhood. I've decided the emotions that we feel by watching our children grow and experience life, are gifts from God to us. When Jaks first came to this earth I wanted to make sure I wrote EVERY moment and heart felt experience down.... however, my perspective has changed and I realized this is almost impossible, since EVERY moment I have with Jaks is a heart felt experience. So, instead of writing a five thousand word essay on our little boy, I'll leave the details and emotions in my heart and just give everyone else a few simple words to describe what we have learned about Jaks so far......

Jaks loves life and can not stand to miss out on anything

Jaks loves to be in water

Jaks loves to be outside

 

Jaks loves sleeping with his hand above or behind his head

Jaks loves the sound of birds and water

Jaks has the most animated facial expressions I have ever seen
Jaks loves to be sung and read too

Jaks thinks the only place to take a nap is in his car seat while driving

Jaks loves to laugh, but often thinks that coughing is a way to laugh

Jaks loves to hear his voice, he has been cooing and giggling since five weeks old

Jaks loves to stand and sit up. Instead of learning to roll over, he is trying to 

lift his head forward so he can sit up.. it's so funny. 

Jaks loves to wiggle and spread his toes. He can literally move each toe separately. 

Jaks loves to eat both of his hands, at the same time.

Jaks has lost his hair in the front, but still has a large patch in the back of his head, 

 which looks like a duck tail... I just love it!

Jaks loves to be held in a position that he can see the world, and loves to cuddle 

on my chest whenever he is too tired to fight his naps

Jaks loves his stroller and loves going on walks. He stares at everything around him

Jaks loves having his body rubbed down after bath time

Jaks can hold his head up and loves to fly in superman position

Jaks loves to wiggle and move.... he never stops looking and observing everything around him

Jaks loves to shake his head back and forth when he is falling asleep, and 

often will keep just one eye open

(These last two pictures are my favorite! They really show Jaks' personality)

Jaks is pretty much perfect in every way possible ;) and I love every second I have to be with him!

The Joy of Life....

Well... I am so far behind on my blogging, that it's pretty much past hopeless to even catch up on all the events that have happened this last month in a half. Every week I am bound to determine to write all the details and highlights of the adventures our little family is experiencing, but every week the only thing that happens is me not documenting another worth while moment. And since I know that if I keep waiting to blog until I have enough time to catch up on my life, I will never have another post again. So... I've decided to at least let everyone know in a simple list everything that this last month in a half has brought to us....... 

So here is why my blogging has struggled....
May 25th 2010: My AMAZING brother and best friend, Jared, arrived home from his Mission in San Bernardino CA!! I can't express how awesome it has been to have his smile and laughter in my life again. Oh how I missed him. I can't get enough of him!

May 27th 2010: Tyler graduated from High School... with a 4.0 and all the honors and awards that come from being one of the top students in his class. I am continuously amazed with this kid. I love both my brothers so much and to see the men that they are becoming is quite incredible, I am so honored to be their sister.

May 30th 2010: This was definitely a day I will have to document. Both Tyler and Jadon (Wes' brother) were sustained Elders, Jared gave his Homecoming talk, and Jaks was blessed. It was incredible. I have never felt so much love. The circle of men that encompassed Jaks while he received an amazing blessing from his dad was just amazing. He had three Uncles, two Grandfathers, four Great Grandfathers, one Great-Great Grandfather, and plenty of Great Uncles and Cousins. There are definitely no words to even describe the spirit that consumed my heart this Sunday.

June 11th 2010: My entire family took a four day road trip together to visit Jared's Mission in California. Wes was unable to go because of work, so we fit my siblings, parents, and Jaks and I into my parents Denali and took off.  This was Jaks first road trip and it was simply incredible. We had Shalei, Jaks and I in the very back seat, my mom, and Tyler in our captain seats, with my dad driving and Jared as the navigator. The entire Denali was jammed packed, especially since we had Jaks (traveling with a baby is definitely a new adventure ;)

It had been such a long time since "just my family" had done anything together, and for us to visit all the people that Jared touched while serving the Lord, was simply priceless. I learned so much from the humble people of San Bernardino and can't express the gratitude I have for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This trip was a needed reminder of just how lucky I really am to have grown up in the church.

June 18th 2010: Wes and I officially became a two car family. We purchased a White Xterra from Phoenix and we love it! Wes and I had to drive down and pick it up at the  Las Vegas auction lot. We couldn't go until Wes got off of work, and when we got there the security guard couldn't find our key.. it became quite an adventure and to make a long story short, we had to track down the actual truck driver who dropped the car off (which wasn't easy) and ended up getting home at 1:30am. Lol.... But we are loving our car and feel EXTREMELY blessed that both of us now have access to go where we need.

June 20th 2010: Celebrated Father's Day with both of our families. It was such a nice and relaxing day and I felt so much love for my sweet husband. It has been such a special experience watching him become a father. He is so involved in every aspect of Jaks life and I am so thankful that my children will have his example and guidance in their life. I love you Wes!!

June 24th 2010: Jaks went on his first camping trip. Wes and I attended the Miller Reunion for the weekend and had a great time. We were unable to go last year, so it was fun to see all my family and spend time being in the mountains. I can't think of anything more rejuvinating than being away from the world and getting some time to enjoy Mother Nature. :)

July 1st 2010: This last month Wes and I have been contemplating the next step in our life. We have felt a strong need for Wes to pursue a job in his degree and to further his education. We have also felt prompted to move to Phoenix, AZ.  However, with a new baby I have been some what reluctant to the Spirit and for the last three months I have tried hard to push the feelings away. But, as most of you know, wrestling with the Lord is never a wise thing. So on a spur of the moment Wes and I decided we needed to make a trip down to Phoenix and see what life had to offer, and to make a LONG story short..... Arizona here we come!

The Big Suprise

This birthday marked a milestone in mine and Wes' marriage. My birthday fell the day after Mother's Day this year and so my sweet, amazing husband decided he would go all out and "suprise" me with something I have had my eye on for quite some time. Now don't read into this wrong, this isn't a milestone in our marriage, just because Wes got me a gift... No, he always get's me good gifts, the milestone is the fact that he "Surprised" me.

Since Wes and I have been married, Holidays have always caused Wes a lot of stress, and it ALWAYS makes me laugh. I'm a pretty simple person and I honestly don't ask for very much. I don't have a collection of anything, I don't window shop, so I guess I make it stressful for Wes because he never knows what to get me. But, I ALWAYS love whatever he does get me and I ALWAYS tell him that. I truly love any gift I ever get from anybody. The other problem Wes has, is keeping secrets from me. It's SO funny! He tries so hard, but never can contain himself, and he will end up telling me what he has bought me or what he is planning on buying me. So I usually know everything I am getting days before I actually get it. And every Holiday I end up having to console Wes who always has remorse from spoiling his surprise. It makes me giggle inside every time as I watch his face while he shakes his head in disgust with himself while I open the gift that I already know about. But, every time this happens I always give Wes a big hug and kiss and tell him that I truly find it a compliment that he can't keep a secret from me.

However... this month Wes broke our Holiday tradition. TO be honest I don't know if I was more suprised about the gift that Wes got me, or the fact that I didn't know that I was getting it. Especially since this is what I got:

Out of all the gifts Wes has gotten me, I'm not sure how he kept this one a secret. He definitely spoiled me rotten. The whole week Wes was acting a little strange and jumpy before Mother's Day/My Birthday, but by the end of the week he broke down and told me that he was so stressed about a gift that he didn't end up buying me anything. I honestly believed him, since he always gets stressed, and I told him I didn't want anything anyways, which was the truth. So Sunday Morning when I walked down to find Wes, Jakston and a big box with a bow on it.... I was more than Suprised. And to see Wes' face beaming with joy, as if the Jazz had just won the playoffs, was priceless. Thanks Wes! Thanks for an amazing Birthday and MOther's Day.... It was Perfect!